“Sometimes we don’t reach for the stars. Sometimes we are satisfied with what people tell us we’re supposed to be satisfied with. I’m just not going for it.” — Beyoncé
At some point in life, we’ve all fallen victim to our own self-sabotage. We strive towards a certain goal and then, just as we start to make momentum, we doubt our direction, we give up or find something different to consume our efforts.
Not everyone suffers from self-sabotage the same way. Some of us are more susceptible to its grips than others. Nevertheless, we have all succumbed to our lizard brains at some stage in our lives. Instead of flying with the birds, we were sinking our heads in the sand.
What is self-sabotage?
Avoiding making that sales call; cheating while on a diet; procrastinating tasks; prolonging a should-have-happened-yesterday relationship breakup; self-medicating/self-diagnosing instead of facing problems; the list can go on and on.
At some point in our lives, we have all experienced this. These behaviours can be so subtle that it can become dangerously difficult for us to recognise the pattern and before we know it, we are overrun by these habits.
These behaviours are the resistance. An extremely proactive, brilliant, indefatigable but also destructive force geared solely towards stopping us on the way to becoming better versions of ourselves.
It is for this reason that we must continuously work at bettering our self awareness in order to recognise and counteract our own self sabotage.
The Amygdala
Now, I bet some of you are wondering what on earth am I talking about when I mentioned the lizard brain. This is the name often coined to the almond sized piece of brain that is responsible for all our instinctive reactions, survival and reproduction. Its technical name is the Amygdala.
The Amygdala although extremely beneficial when it comes to saving our life, can be less than favourable as it also what is responsible for the process of self-sabotage.
So let’s dig a little deeper into how it all works…
The Amygdala ultimately doesn’t like change. In any regards, the Amygdala is programmed to recognise alterations, risks and challenges as potential harm.
It’s not all bad, your lizard brain is that little voice that creeps into your head at 3am when you are considering walking through that dark unknown side street and tells you to stick to the lit up main road. It’s the voice that encourages you to look both ways before you cross a road.
We would find ourselves in many more life threatening scenarios if we didn’t have a functioning Amygdala. So we are extremely grateful however….. survival doesn’t mean happiness and it doesn’t mean fulfilment.
Simply put: the Amygdala is there to protect you from predators, but its side effects are fear, uncertainty, and insecurity, and it’s relentless ability to talk you out of your dreams, aspirations and pulls you back in your comfort zone.
The consequence of us listening too intently to what our amygdala has to say when it comes to our goals is the development of a fixed mindset and concrete existence of self-sabotaging behaviour.
This means that in order for us to succeed in survival and fulfilment we must learn to know when is the right time to listen to and when to ignore its input.
The lizard brain’s most common fears that lead to self-sabotaging behaviours are (and you might recognise yourself here):
// INFRINGED SELF-WORTH //
Don’t raise your hand to ask that question, they might laugh at you and label you as incapable.
// LOSING CONTROL //
If they laugh at me and find me incompetent, I’ll never find another job, I’ll end up poor, I’ll lose my home, my health, my partner, my friends, I will lose it all.
// THE IMPOSTOR SYNDROME //
If I reveal my real achievements/abilities, they’ll call me out as being a fake.
// THE UNKNOWN //
Starting (something new) or going (somewhere new) is too risky, and I can’t predict the exact outcome, therefore, I’d better back off.
// RESPONSIBILITY //
If I become a successful and seek further challenges, I’ll get a new set of responsibilities. What if I’m not up to the task? What if I can handle it all?
…You are not alone if you can relate to one or many of those.
One of the greatest ways to countermeasure your Amygdala is to have clear goals. If you only have a vague idea of what it is you want to achieve then you are leaving plenty of room for your lizards brain to conjure up doubt and fear. Whereas specific, achievable goals with a clearly defined why can help to lower this effect.
Focusing on your goals can help you to know when to ignore your lizard brain’s self sabotaging input and keep concentrated on your path to success.
The science behind this remedy is that while your Amygdala continues to send messages about potential danger, your prefrontal cortex is focused on the goal and helps you to control your reactions. You can practice flexing this muscle in your day to day by trying to stop fearing fear. Look for small things each day to train this ability in yourself.
Another way to stop fearing risks and the unknown is to practice gratitude. We strongly recommend gratitude journaling, because its simple, effective and welcomes the blissful opportunity to start and end each day with reflection and stillness. If this isn’t your jam, you can also incorporate gratitude in your language and communication. Long term effects of exercising gratitude affects not only your mood, ovation and productivity but also your physical and mental health.
Shifting your mindset towards the attitude of gratitude is a solid strategy towards discarding your fixed mindset and entering the space to embrace growth.
Now you know the logic and mechanisms behind why we so easily sabotage our own happiness, success and fulfilment….
…what are you going to do about changing this habit?
Enjoy!
x Spritz Mindset
